When I was at Lee playing volleyball we had to workout 3 times a week. It was heavy, power lifting (squats, power snatches, clean & jerks, etc). During that time, I thought I was awesome so I did the heaviest weight I could and tried to increase my vertical. Then, one day, out of no where my jeans became tighter and tighter. My roommate and I (#8), realized we were doing this to ourselves and forcing new jeans...in a bigger size....but we were in too deep! They saw what we could do and we were unstoppable - I was in college, OF COURSE I was unstoppable!!
Looking back at pictures, I've asked my mom why she never told me I was fat and to lay off the extra cookies? I refuse to put an actual picture up of myself but just know....I was not ripped as you would imagine....the muscle was there somewhere, I just looked like I was packing the pounds. My mom has the same answer everytime I bring this up, "you played college volleyball Sara, you were in great shape and you were not fat!" (while saying it in her you are so ridiculous right now tone) All I know is, I've seen the pictures, I lived the pictures and it was bad friends.
Right now at 23 1/2 weeks pregnant I'm at my college volleyball weight. At least this time around, I can use the whole "I'm growing a child in there, leave me alone!" This has been a big mind adjustment for me. Mentally, it's just challenging because as a female you are (unspokenly taught - my husband blames the media) that you should be skinny and look great. If I were talking to someone else who was pregnant and feeling not so great I would give her the, "you're having a baby, you look amazing speech" but it's different when it's you looking in the mirror each day. I get that now.
I have truly prayed and asked God to please take away that insecurity and help me to feel good about myself during this time. Gray has reminded me MULTIPLE times, "all you wanted to do was get pregnant and have a baby....now you are and you're complaining about that!" I DO NOT want to be that person, I know deep down that I can try to look as great as I want but my body's going to do what it's going to do. If that means junk in my trunk, sign me up. :)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
God is preparing my body to have baby Nolan and He has definitely grown my mind! Today, I choose to praise Him for the baby He is giving me!
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6 years ago
um...first of all, you are totally funny in blog world. And I was shocked to see that you tried to make a disclaimer saying you were not a writer. Does "Outstanding Freshman English Student" mean anything to you??? And, thank you for lumping me into your "fighting weight" category. I still have dreams about snatches, and telling you the work outs "ain't easy". Ahhhh...thanks Steve for thunder thighs and ghetto booties.
ReplyDeleteare you on crack? you were not fat in college. i was there. i know. a number on a scale means absolutely nothing. seriously...we are tall girls...we are going to weigh a lot. and i have a big head...which weighs a lot too. but seriously...you are on crack.
ReplyDeletei will say though that i also found it challenging to ignore 20 years of brainwashing and efforts to be skinny. It's hard to change your mindset.
Also...you look amazing..all belly!