Saturday, May 28, 2011

Coming home from the hospital.

I had Nolan on Wednesday, May 4th and on Friday, May 6th Dr. Newman and the nurse said if I was ready to go home I could or I could stay another night.  There really wasn't anything they could do for me at the hospital that my mom or Gray couldn't have done for me at home!  :)  Gray and I decided mid-morning that we would try to leave the hospital by late Friday afternoon.  I went in to the hospital with a bad cold and by Friday I started coughing really bad and my nurse was a little concerned about what she heard in my lungs.  With my lung history, the nurse called Dr. Newman and ordered a chest x-ray. I also requested something for the coughing because it was hurting to cough and I just wanted it to go away!  Thankfully, my chest x-ray came back normal...just stinky to feel so miserable!  They advised me to take Robitussin DM when I got home and continue my other pain medicines.  Gray and I were so excited to leave with Nolan but a little nervous too.  They let us leave the hospital with a newborn, no Dept. of Family and Children's Services involvement or anything!!  Just us with a 2 day old baby!!  Craziness.

Because I was feeling pretty poorly, I didn't get any pics of Nolan in his "coming home" outfit by himself not in his carseat ( -1 for mom).  I wasn't totally thinking I felt like we had moved into the room and we had a lot to get out.  Here are our pictures of us leaving the hospital, a family of 3!  :)

As we left our room I was creeping through the hall (because it's hard walking quickly after a c-section people!) and Dr. Newman happened to be coming out of another room waiting to deliver a baby so I asked her if we could get some pictures!  She was so sweet and said she would love to, she also asked the nurse walking by to please get me a wheel-chair, I was trying not to be dramatic but it sure was nice to not have to walk!!  (doesn't she just look so nice?!  LOVE her!!)

We got the wheelchair and Dr. Newman stayed with us and took pictures for us! 

Our Nurse Kelly came out with us and took this picture of us, not my favorite picture of myself by good documentation anyway!! 
Coming home we took the back roads, Gray decided we didn't need to chance it on the interstate! :)  I called my mom (who was at our house already making dinner) to let her know we'd be arriving soon with Baby Nolan!

We had to show Nolan his room!
Welcome Home Nolan Edward, Welcome Home!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Interrupted Sleep, Interrupted Life.

This morning at 4:45 am I found myself laying in bed thinking, "if I'm very still Nolan won't hear anything and he'll fall back to sleep!!"  I stayed in bed for a few minutes thinking my 2 week old may soothe himself, but he didn't.  I felt a tad guilty that I would lay there hoping for more sleep.  He's only 2 weeks old, what was I really expecting?  Sadly, I thought the same thing at 7:45 when he started fussing again.  Poor guy!  Of course, I got out of bed and got him up and I fed him.  When I was holding him the guilt of feeling like I needed more sleep was weighing heavy on me.  How selfish.

I was feeling especially guilty because last night (around 11 pm) as Gray and I were laying in bed and I was feeding Nolan, Gray and I were talking about what a gift Nolan is to us and how he truly came in God's time!  This has been a late night discussion for Gray and I for several nights now.  We feel so incredibly blessed to have him and he is just perfect in every way!  I told Gray I can't believe that last July I sat in Dr. Newman's office and just cried because I so desperately wanted a baby and I was looking for any way to make that happen and hoping she would help.  She did offer to put me on some fertility meds but she also said that she didn't think I needed it and I would become pregnant in time.  She offered to put me on meds because she saw my desperation, my tears and knew all too well the heartache I was feeling for a baby.  I left her office with a prescription but chose to not fill it and to lean on her advice and wisdom.  It was the end of August that I found out I was pregnant! In God's time, not ours!

Gray and I can definitely see a recurring theme throughout our marriage and our lives.  We get disappointed, feel like it's the end and in God's time things are brought full circle and we look back and can't believe where we came from and don't know how we made it out.  This past spring, I did a Deeper Bible study with my church on Priscilla Shirer's study of Jonah.  That was perfect timing for me because it was about the interrupted life and how our messes are made beautiful by God in His time.  One thing I have in my notes is, "sometimes the greatest message is the mess of your life."  That is so true for us, we have a story that is still being written.  Yes, we currently have messes in our lives but we also have hope and second chances all around.  The last 3 years have been the hardest for me personally and for Gray and I as a couple because I have felt consumed with mess.  I felt like it was one disappointment after another.  Yes, I have a perfect newborn sitting by my side as I type, but I truly believe God has transformed our hearts.  It's not about us just having a baby, it's about life and dealing with the mess and trying to find the message within.  When my mom was here helping me after Nolan came she really encouraged me to pray about my feelings about certain issues and ask God why I am feeling the way I do.  I am in the process of doing that and haven't had any breakthroughs yet...but I know God will show me.  It may take a while, I'm a little on the stubborn side which doesn't help! :)

Here is what Jonah cryed out to God while he was inside the whale, I can't begin to tell you how many times I have felt this and wish I could tell you I responded in the same way as Jonah.  Instead, I chose to fight and take on the "woe is me" attitude."  I am still working on this and need to be reminded daily that this isn't about me:

"From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God.  He said:  
In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.  From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.  You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me.  I said, I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.  The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.  To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever.  But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God.  When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.  Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.  But I, with a song of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you.  What I have vowed I will make good.  Salvation comes from the Lord. 
And the Lord commanded the fish and it vomited Jonah onto dry land."    Jonah, chapter 2

While it's hard to be thankful for life's interruptions, I sit with a full heart today thankful for the interruptions I've had and the miracles and appreciation I have from those interruptions and experiences gained!! 

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Proudest Daddy Around!!!

Gray is SO in love with Nolan...I better watch out because Nolan definitely has his dad's attention!! It is so sweet!  Because of my c-section I wasn't able to do as much in the hospital and Gray just stepped up like he's been doing this forever!  I couldn't believe how much Gray did without hesitation or question of himself....I found myself asking Gray if he thought certain things I was doing was right or not!  Gray was a pro at suctioning Nolan's mouth (which had to be done frequently the day of his birth), G was the main burper (and still is), Gray handled all the diapers (unless he lucked out and a nurse was checking Nolan then the nurse would handle it).  I didn't change a diaper until we came home!  Gray has just been amazing, I never doubted his greatness but he hasn't been around newborns either so I didn't know what he would do!  Gray and I have had a strong marriage,  I am more in love with him now than ever before!  He is looking out for Nolan and I and truly being the dad God has called him to be!  I love my baby daddy!!!  :)
Here are some pictures of Gray with Nolan in the hospital...
Gray took the majority of pictures we have from the hospital and I was able to take a few of him as I could!  I love this man and this baby!!

May 4, 2011, part II

Nolan Edward Ange was born at 11:08 am weighing 7 pounds and 6 ounces, perfect in every way!!  They immediately take him over and check him thoroughly and when I was done being stitched up the nurses told me that his blood sugar was low and they were going to have to take him to the nursery and supplement with formula to make sure his blood sugar would come back up.  They asked me if I had a preference of formula....I haven't even looked into formula and have NO CLUE what I would choose?!  In my hesitancy, Dr. Newman just leaned over and said, "Enfamil."  That was it, give him Enfamil.  Next, how do I want him fed:  bottle, syrenge, finger?  Ok, I just had a kid and within minutes I have to answer questions I've thought nothing about.  I told them I'd prefer no bottle because I was hoping to breastfeed and they said ok.
I went into recovery and had 2 nurses and Gray still with me.  The recovery room wasn't bad, it was quiet so Gray had time to show me some of the pictures that he had taken during the delivery and after.  I couldn't believe I was looking at OUR son!  I commented to the nurses at one point about how weird it was that I knew I just had a baby but I really hadn't gotten to see him that good or hold him and that I was now a mom.  It wasn't necessarily depressing as it was surreal to sit there and think I just had a baby and someone else has him.  I just wanted to hold him!  I wasn't even really worried that there was something horribly wrong...maybe it was the medicines or that I just didn't have time to worry....I just went with what they told me and trusted things would be fine.  They said this is common and happens to about 50% of babies.  After we were in recovery for a little while the pediatric nurse came in and told me that Nolan was doing well and that she had finger fed him some formula and he seemed hungry and they expected his numbers to go up.
After about 1 1/2 hours in recovery they brought me to my room.  Once I got in my room and somewhat settled I asked for them to please check on Nolan and find out when I could see him.  The nurse was walking out of the room saying she would check and they were wheeling baby Nolan in to us!!  I was SO EXCITED!!  The nurses were great and said they knew I wanted to hold him so they would bring him to me and I needed to try and feed him.  I was a little apprehensive because I really knew nothing about breastfeeding.  I didn't read any books or do any research, I just assumed they would help me in the hospital.  Little did I know, in God's perfect form, Nolan was born knowing all about breastfeeding!  He immediately knew what to do and latched on like he had been doing it for years!  It was so amazing to know that God gave him that and made him to want that!  I loved it...Gray and I are still amazed by this!!
Here are some pics of me holding Nolan and Nolan's 1st bath.  He wasn't a huge fan of his bath until it came time to wash his hair....he LOVED having his hair was hilarious!!

The rest of the day flew by!! We had lots of visitors!  I hate that I didn't get pictures with everyone who came to visit us in the hospital, it was hectic at times and we missed out on some kodak moments!! 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

May 4, 2011, part I

"We prayed for this child and the Lord has granted us what we asked of Him."  I Samuel 1:27

 On May 4, 2011 my life forever changed.  It is one of the sweetest days I will ever have and one of the most proud days of Gray and I's marriage.  The birth of our first son, I still can't believe I'm actually saying that!!

The day started out very early, we had to be at the hospital at 7:00 am.  After very little sleep I woke up with my swollen eyes and stuffy nose and began to get ready for the biggest day of my life!  I eagerly hopped out of bed when the alarm went off and began getting ready.  I gave myself plenty of time but couldn't seem to finish a task, I was so excited/anxious/nervous all at the same time!  I curled my hair (I had to look my best to meet Nolan) and Gray and I did the finally packing would've thought we were moving into the joint!

I walked into Women's East holding my diaper wreath and a baby bag, all the nurses commented on how sweet the wreath was!  Thank you Emily, she made it for my shower and I kept it with anticipation of it going on the hospital room door.  We had to spend the morning in a triage room because all the rooms were taken but my nurse assured me when I got out of surgery I would go straight to a room.  The triage room was a little cramped but Gray and I didn't know any different so it worked out fine!  My nurse was great, we went through a series of questions, I met with the anesthiesologist and several others throughout the morning.  Dr. Newman called my nurse about 9:00 am and asked if I was ready and my nurse said I still needed more fluids so Dr. Newman said she was going to take another patient and my c-section would run a little behind schedule.  The anticipation from 9:00 on was crazy...I knew the call would come for me to get to go back I just didn't know when Gray and I were so excited!

About 10:35 they finally came and got me and said we were ready!  Gray came with me to the O.R. but had to stay outside while they did my spinal.  That felt like an eternity to me and Gray.  In the O.R. there were so many people and so much going on.  I really like all the nurses and the anesthiologist.  My only request to the anesthiologist was that he not land me in the wheel chair olympics!! He said it hasn't happened yet and he wasn't planning on me being the first!  The spinal really wasn't that bad, it felt really funny but went well.  The stinky part was they tilted the table with my head downward then side to side to make sure the spinal got evenly distributed.  I told them that if I was someone who enjoyed drugs and out of body experiences this was way to go. However, I did not enjoy it!  They did quite a few tests for my feeling and we waited on Dr. Newman. There was so much going on around me but I was in quite a haze I couldn't tell you much about it.  They finally let Gray in and Dr. Newman came in shortly after.  While scrubbing down Dr. Newman came over and prayed with us.  She told us that she had told her husband before leaving this morning she was excited about today because she was getting to deliver our baby and how we had a story similar to theirs (2 miscarriages).  I hate it that we have both experienced that but it gives her such empathy which I appreciate more than anything!

Once she got in and started it seemed like minutes until Nolan was born!  I felt a lot of strong tugging on my stomach, they told Gray to stand up because he was coming!!  I couldn't even believe little boy was about to be seen!!  As soon as they pulled him out I heard him cry!!  Dr. Newman asked them to quickly lower the sheet so I could see him....he looked PERFECT!  I could not believe he was mine and I would be his mom!!  At 11:08 Nolan Edward Ange was born!!  They called Gray over to cut the cord, although I couldn't see it I think he did it with ease!
 They had to take him and get him cleaned up and weigh him before I could really see him up close.  I just kept looking over where he was and telling Gray take pictures, I hated that I couldn't really see everything that was going on, Gray did a great job of taking lots of pics!  The nurses were also really great to take pictures for us as well!
Technically, our first family photo!! 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Last Day...

Our last day as a family of 2 (3 if you count Ross!) was not anything like we planned but still a good day!  Gray had been planning on just working a 1/2 day and had a sub lined up.  When the tornadoes hit and we were out of school Thursday, Friday and Monday he definitely reconsidered and thought about just working the full day on Tuesday (5/3).  We are both so glad that he just kept his sub and worked 1/2 day!  I have gotten sick over the past 2 days and when I saw Dr. Newman yesterday she gave me a shot and a 1 day z-pac (called z-max) and she also gave me a prescription to give to Gray so he won't get sick either.  I was really thankful when she offered to treat us both.  The bad news, the treatment kind of back-fired on Gray!  After we researched today, the medicine is very hard on your gastro-intestinal system...which would explain why he was up until 3 am last night before with awful stomach pains!  I didn't have stomach pains but just couldn't sleep and part of it probably had to do with the fact I am sick and I couldn't breathe out of my nose and my throat was so dry and hurt, I just hurt!

I had saved several errands to run today thinking today would be my last day of freedom and I could get stuff done!  Well, a night before of no sleep and feeling pretty bad didn't work in my favor.  The only thing I did end up doing was going and getting a manicure/pedicure which I do rate that in the necessity category! :)  When Gray got home from school we ate some lunch and tried to take a nap.  I was so worn out but couldn't sleep...I did rest for a little while though which my body definitely needed!  Gray was able to sleep for a short period of time then he went to Wal-Mart for me with a small list of a few things  I needed. 

Other things just didn't get done but it's definitely not the end of the world.  I am leaving my house not quite as clean as I would like it, but Nolan isn't going to know if our master bathroom was scrubbed, is he?!  Like I said, not my ideal day but I should know better (from past experiences) than to assume that everything will go exactly how I have it in my head!  :)

I say all that to say, Gray and I couldn't be more excited to welcome Nolan Edward into our family tomorrow!!  We just can't believe it's here!  We kept saying all day today, "this time tomorrow we'll have Nolan!"  We think Ross has a clue because he's been extra sweet and clingy to us the last few days!  He knows he's not going to be #1 around here....poor guy!!  Gray and I feel so blessed and honored to become parents in less than 24 hours!!  It just feels very surreal!  I'm really hoping to feel better tomorrow but I'm also hoping Dr. Newman will pump me with some new drugs along with all the other standard c-section meds I will be getting!  I REALLY want to feel great and enjoy my first day as a mom!!  Gray is really wanting the same for himself, he has taken it very light on the food today and he's hoping his stomach will cooperate tomorrow!

If you think about us, pray for us!  This is such an exciting time for Gray and I, we don't want other things to overshadow the biggest day for us and our marriage as we welcome Nolan!! We couldn't be more excited/anxious/nervous at the same time!  We are going into uncharted territory for both of us! 
Love you all!!